oopswecrappedmypants: more from the depths of <b>vile</b>

YUCK!
I totally was just playing with this fat, chunky loogie in my mouth out of sheer boredom - violently swishing it back and forth, squeezing it through my teeth, trying to take a healthy bite out of it, letting it slowly drip on down the back of my throat only to hock it back up for more hot action - and for reasons still not understood by NASA or even by a genius such as myself, in the middle of this hoppin' party in my mouth, I opened my lips ever so slightly, just barely enough to allow said loogie to flippy flop onto my readily awaiting lap. I saw the whole thing happen in u l t r a - s l o w motion. A glob of phlegm the size of an apple squeezing through a gap as big as a dime... it was almost like child birth... minus the baby. Just a coagulum of placenta, angrily oozing its way from my agape mouth, taking a leap of faith into the unknown. Seven napkins and a wealth of obscenities later I still have a gross, yellowish streak mark across my rather bulbous crotch.

It's mindless shit like this that seems to plague my life. I will be there, you know, probably just vigurously whacking off in my room, wearing my nipple clamps and lipstick, right. And when I'm finally getting all hot inside I'll hear a key being inserted into my door -- *click* *click* *click* -- and the door being opened -- *rrrreeee* -- and of course I'll get a quick adrenaline rush out of all the excitement and fear of being caught, and it will cause me to start to ejaculating all over myself and the TV remote, and then on my roomates shoes as he does the tango into our room. The poor bastard always ignores my cries for him to "WAIT!!" when he is hopped up on coke like that. It's sad, but at this point it is his fault that his shoes are covered with my cum- the shittiest part is that I won't be able to blame him, you know. Like what am I gonna say, "Shit dude, you shouldn't be walking into the room at 3:40 in the afternoon! Who knows when I'm gonna feel like jerkin' it on your bed! What the fuck is your problem, you sick perverted freak!?"